Crown of Embers Read online

  Helena made a face at his words. They were soothing, but she was feeling selfish and in no mood to be understanding.

  Anderson chuckled at her dubious expression. “It’s just like when you were little, ‘member? Your mama went away, but she ain’t gone forever. You’ll be with her again one day. In the meantime, Old Anderson will keep you company.”

  Tears filled her throat, but Helena fought them back. She squeezed Anderson as hard as she dared, trying to ignore how frail he felt in her embrace. Frail was not a word she wanted to associate with the man who always seemed larger than life.

  His voice was gruff as he asked, “Would you do this old man the honor of accompanying him to say his goodbyes to the daughter of his heart?”

  Warmth spread through her at his words. She had always thought of Anderson as her grandfather, and hearing that he had considered them part of his family as well made her feel less alone. Shared grief somehow seemed easier to face.

  Her heart too full for words, Helena merely nodded and wove her arm through his. With a soft click, the door shut behind her and they made their slow way to the large oak tree that divided their two properties. It was, or had been, her mother’s favorite place to come and relax after a particularly grueling day. Helena could think of no better place for her to be now. Anderson had hired some men from town to dig the grave and take care of the details. All that was left to do was say a proper goodbye.

  As they cleared the last rise, tears began to fall from her eyes in earnest. It was not the sight of the tree, but the beautifully carved wooden bench that Anderson had crafted and placed there.

  “Somewhere for you to sit when you come to visit her,” he’d said gently, as he watched her reaction to his gift.

  She squeezed his hand, trying to suffuse her thanks into the action.

  He gestured toward the bench. “Go on now; go say your words. I’ll give you two some time alone before I come and join you.”

  Nodding, Helena stepped away and swiftly crossed the distance. Once she reached the bench, she lovingly traced the words Anderson had carved into its sun-warmed wood: So too, shall I love. It was her mother’s favorite expression. One she had uttered often when reminding Helena that the Mother loved all her Chosen equally, and it was up to them to do the same. It had become a personal motto that embodied the kind of life Miriam wanted to lead, and the kind of person she hoped her daughter would become: selfless, loving, compassionate.

  It was too much. Helena broke down, sobs causing her shoulders to shake. Her knees gave out, and she collapsed on the bench, wrapping her arms around the back of it as though through it she could actually hug her mother. In reality, it was all that was keeping her upright.

  After a few moments, Anderson was there, pulling her up and wiping the tears that were still streaming down her face. He didn’t say anything, just settled himself down next to her and held her as she allowed her tears to wash away the pain of her loss.

  Helena hiccupped as her tears finally subsided.

  “Feeling better, little bug?”

  She wiped at her nose, not surprised when Anderson held out a faded piece of cloth. “A little,” she admitted, after she cleaned up her face.

  “There’s nothing harder than having to say goodbye to someone you love,” he said somberly.

  Helena stayed quiet, knowing that he was referring to his wife, whom Helena had never met.

  “I wish I had the words to take away your pain, Helena, but there is nothing anyone can say to soften that blow. The body may be gone, but never the spirit. Never the memories. Hold those close when you miss her most and she will never truly leave you.”

  Helena swallowed and nodded, the use of her given name adding weight to his words.

  “She was so proud of the woman you’ve become. That is how you honor her, bug. You hear me? You stay true to yourself and you will never let her down.”

  She nodded again, this time taking a shaky breath to try and combat the threat of fresh tears. “Yes,” she rasped.

  Anderson nodded, as if it was settled, and then pulled her back so that her head fell onto his shoulder.

  “What about the ceremony?” she asked.

  Anderson shrugged. “Fancy words aren’t going to change anything. You just let your heart speak for you. That is more than good enough.”

  “Okay,” she whispered, settling back into him. That, at least, Helena knew she could do.

  As they quietly said goodbye to one who had been an essential part of their world for so long, they sat like two puzzle pieces learning how to fit together now that the piece that had held them together was lost.

  As the memory faded, the soft light of dawn began to streak the sky with pale shades of pink. Thus began a day for goodbye but also remembrance. Helena had shed enough tears. It was time to remember what Anderson had taught her and celebrate his legacy; to honor his life with her memories and to be the woman he had helped raise. Perhaps she no longer had Anderson, but she would always have his words.

  It would have to be enough.

  Chapter Two

  The men of Helena’s Circle surrounded her. Darrin’s fingers had gone white from tightly grasping her right hand, while Von was a steady presence at her left side. Kragen, Joquil and Timmins stood just behind them. The others had also come to pay their respects to the man their Kiri had loved. They may not have known him, but they still grieved his loss because of the effect it had on the woman they served.

  Ronan’s ice-blue gaze caught hers from across the courtyard as he looked up from the small garden. Helena had spent the early hours of the morning planting it in Anderson’s honor. She’d done so using a combination of actual gardening and her power to help the cascade of flowers grow outside of their normal season. Ronan did not smile, but his gaze radiated warmth and support.

  A bit away from him, Serena and Nial wore matching somber expressions, their fingers interlaced as they waited for Helena to speak. Miranda and Effie, along with Alina and the rest of the household staff, all filled in the space behind her friends. A few people from neighboring villages had also made the trip, traveling throughout the night to pay their respects to the new Kiri’s loved one. Helena was not sure who had spread the word, but she could only assume Timmins played a part.

  It was a large group, much larger than Anderson had probably ever expected, given that he had spent the whole of his life tucked away on his small piece of land. She hoped, despite so few of the people that came to pay their respects actually knowing the man, it was clear that he had been deeply loved.

  The weather was mild, only a few fluffy clouds moving through the clear sky while a soft breeze made the leaves dance on their branches. It was a beautiful day, but this time Helena was not nearly as bothered by the realization. She wanted Anderson to have peace and gentleness now, when it was clear that his passing had been anything but.

  “It’s time, my love.” Von’s voice was gentle as it filled her mind.

  Helena gave a barely discernable nod to indicate that she heard him. She knew that the others were waiting for her to say something. There were formal words that needed to be spoken. Words which were supposed to help speed Anderson’s journey back to the Great Mother, but Helena was not going to say those words today. Instead, she would follow Anderson’s advice and allow her heart to speak for her. It seemed important not to stand on formality; not for the man who had taught her how to see dragons in the clouds and find the best worms in the dirt.

  “The Mother brings people into our lives for a number of reasons. Some are sent to challenge us, some to love and shape us. For me, Anderson was all of those things.” Helena’s voice was steady, although a bit thicker than usual. “Those of us that knew him would agree on that point. You could not help but be a better person for his guidance. He was patient and fair, and knew how to talk you into doing just about anything whether you originally intended to or not. I can’t count the number of times he talked me into doing chores by simply making me believe w
e were playing a game.”

  She broke off as a few in the crowd chuckled appreciatively. Beside her, Darrin let out his own watery laugh, having experienced the exact same thing himself.

  “But as with all of her Chosen, the Mother only lets us borrow them for a while before calling them back home to her. Anderson has been called home. In my heart I do not believe it was time for him to go. Then again, I don’t think I could ever truly believe it was time, not today and not twenty years from now. None of us wish to say goodbye to someone who has been a fixture throughout our life.”

  Murmurs of agreement met her words. Helena let the silence grow, forcing herself to take a deep breath. As she fought to remain present and not get lost in her emotions, a bright flash of orange caught her eye. A giant butterfly, easily the size of her fist, fluttered delicately above the newly planted flowers, hovering for a second before coming to rest on a large purple bloom. Anderson.

  Helena could not say what brought the thought, so certain and absolute, to her mind, but she knew it to be true. This was his way of showing her that he had not truly left her after all. The words he had spoken came to her again, “just because she’s not here with you and me doesn’t mean that she’s gone.” Neither was he.

  Feeling stronger, she allowed herself a small smile as the butterfly flitted back up into the sky before becoming an orange speck that faded completely.

  “No one is ever truly gone. Not so long as you remember the lessons they have taught you during your time together. I choose to focus on that, the time we had, instead of the time we have lost. Anger and hatred can make the world a cold and dark place. But even in the darkness, there is always the chance for light, for hope. We are that hope. It is our choices, the ones we are faced with every day, that will bring color into the world or leave it in darkness. I choose to bring light. I will not let Anderson’s death be the foothold that allows darkness to overtake Tigaera.” Her voice had changed during her speech, and the gentle wind picked up speed causing her hair to lift and flow around her shoulders. The murmurs grew louder as her power began to transform her.

  “Rowena thought to cripple me with her blow, and that cannot go unanswered. She sought to weaken me, but she has only made me stronger. Rowena clings to darkness, using fear and isolation to take down her enemies. But there is something she has forgotten. I am not alone.” Von’s love swelled within her, and she thought she heard a firm never whisper through her, but she was still speaking and could not be sure. “Tigaera has many allies; allies we will call on now. More than that, nothing can remain hidden in the light. No matter where she goes, Rowena cannot escape the combined force of Elysia. She. Will. Not. Win.”

  Helena’s words were a promise that reverberated throughout the crowd. There was a period of stunned silence as those gathered realized what she had said; what very few in the crowd had actually known. Rowena was alive and this man’s death had been a declaration of war.

  A few hesitant claps sounded before the entirety of the crowd erupted into cheers.

  “For the light!”

  “For our Kiri!”

  “For Elysia!”

  There was more to say, more to do, but for now Helena was done. With a formal nod, she spun from the crowd and began to take slow, measured steps back toward the Palace.

  “I did not realize that his funeral would become a war rally,” Darrin said mildly.

  “Neither did I,” she replied tartly.

  “Do you think this is what he would have wanted? For his death to be used as a call to battle?”

  Helena’s brows lowered over sparkling eyes. “I think Anderson would have wanted us to remember who he raised us to be. I do not have the luxury of mourning by closing myself away from my responsibilities, Darrin. Anderson knew who I was, who I was destined to be. He would expect me to be nothing less.”

  Darrin’s shoulders fell. “I know.”

  She placed her hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stop and meet her gaze. “I wish that I could undo this. That I had the power to call a spirit back to its body, or that I could have at least protected him from her,” Helena all but snarled as she spat out the word.

  “You could not have known where Rowena would strike,” Darrin reminded her. She heard his forgiveness and knew that he did not blame her, but Helena was not ready to absolve herself. If she had not been the Vessel, the one prophesied to bring down the Corruptor, Rowena would never have had reason to kill Anderson. His death had been unnecessary, but she would not, could not, allow it to be meaningless.

  Darrin saw her thoughts in her eyes and nodded his understanding. Changing the subject, he added, “Thank you for speaking today, for being strong when I could not. He was all the family I had left. Losing him…” Darrin trailed off, letting out a harsh breath.

  She took his hand in hers, squeezing hard. “You still have family, Darrin.”

  He smiled appreciatively, although his eyes were still dull with grief.

  “We will honor his memory the way he taught us,” she said firmly, her eyes finding a small orange speck darting through the sky just above them.

  Shaking off the weight of his pain, Darrin straightened and met her gaze head on. “Where do we start?”

  Helena’s smile was warm, and slightly fierce, as she replied, “We live.”

  “That was some speech today,” Von murmured as he stroked Helena’s hair. They were curled up in bed, her head resting on his shoulder as she stared into the dancing flames of their fire.

  Her smile was wry as she replied, “It wasn’t exactly what I had pictured, but I suppose that’s what happens when you improvise.”

  His chuckle vibrated beneath her cheek. “Perhaps the words were not exactly what you intended, but that does not make them any less true.”

  Helena sighed. Word had already spread far and wide about her declaration that morning. Missives had begun pouring in from every corner of Elysia. Some offered support while others minced no words indicating their displeasure with their Kiri for throwing them headlong into a war they were sure they could not win. How anyone could get all of that out of a ten minute, impromptu speech was beyond her, but she would deal with it. The one thing that remained clear was that they needed to rally their allies, and fast.

  Rowena would not wait long before striking again. She would continue to chip away at Helena, in increasingly inventive and twisted ways, until she finally provoked the Kiri into action. Helena wanted to be ready so that they could make their move on her own terms. Right now Rowena had the upper hand, she had already amassed an army, had been doing so for the better part of a year right under everyone’s nose. Helena was starting from scratch. Sort of. At least she was Kiri. That had to count for something. Helena did not feel comforted by the reminder.

  Sensing her wandering thoughts, Von brushed a finger beneath her chin and pulled her face up toward him. His gray eyes assessed her face, a small frown forming at what he saw. He pressed a kiss between her eyebrows, trying to smooth the crease that had taken up residence there.

  “Timmins has already sent out the call. Tigaera’s allies are on their way.”

  “It will not be enough to only call on those we know to be loyal. If we are going to defeat her, we will need to seek out those that have not yet chosen a side.”

  It was Von’s turn to look worried. “You seek the aid of the tribes?”

  Helena nodded.

  Von straightened, his eyes widening with surprise as he asked, “How do you expect to find, let alone entice, them?”

  “By any means necessary,” she said grimly. “I cannot afford to let Rowena get to them first.”

  Von let out a low whistle.

  Helena’s concern colored her voice. “I know that I do not have much to show for myself, let alone enough to give them a reason to align their fate with mine—”

  Von cut her off, “Helena, within your first handful of weeks as Kiri, you lifted the ban on Daejara that had been in place for thousands of years— something
no one else bothered to even attempt. Then, with the assistance of less than a dozen people, you saved all of the Chosen.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I would hardly equate rescuing you to saving an entire race of people.”

  “Helena,” he said firmly, his tone brooking no argument, “you know as well as I do what would have happened if the Fracturing occurred. It would have been the destruction of the Chosen. Rescuing me was your only option.”

  Her lips twisted in amusement, even as his words pushed back the wave of doubt that had been threatening to drown her. “You sure think highly of yourself, Mate.”

  It was his turn to grin. “Not of myself, of you. You have already faced insurmountable odds.”

  “Just barely…”

  “You are capable of more than you know.”

  She sighed, struggling to sit up, but he held her tight.

  “Helena, you are only just beginning to understand your power. Imagine what you can do now that we are together; now that our power is once again feeding off and strengthening the other’s. Do not doubt yourself, my love. The fate of the Chosen may rest on your shoulders, but it is not a burden you bear alone. You have already proven yourself to be a formidable enemy. Rowena was not prepared for you. That is what causes her to lash out. She seeks to use your compassion against you, seeing your greatest strength as a weakness she can exploit. Your silence will only enrage and confuse her.”

  “She will not stop until she gets what she wants,” Helena said quietly.

  “I know.”

  “More will die.”

  Von tightened his arms around her. “I know.”

  Her voice was small as she whispered, “I do not think that I can say goodbye to anyone else that I love.”